1. Extend foreplay (by a lot)
According to Taoist sexual philosophy, one of the biggest differences between male and female bodies is that women’s sexual energy begins in the extremities and needs to be guided towards the genitals. Which is a fancy way of saying that most women take a minute to warm up.
One of the highest leverage ways you can improve your sex life is to spend a significant amount of time in foreplay.
By extending foreplay you’ll both have more time to drop in to the moment and you’re both more likely to have multiple orgasms and more powerful orgasms (which I will get into, for both of you, in this list).
(Also, if you want more ideas on how to extend your foreplay and really bring your partner into her body, check out my article on Slow Sex)
2. Learn how to control your ejaculations by practicing becoming multi-orgasmic
Every man has the capacity to become multi-orgasmic, if he knows how to do it correctly.
It all comes down to knowing your body, having a relationship with your ejaculatory ‘point-of-no-return’, and connecting with your breath.
If you want to 10x your sexual stamina, have 5-10 orgasms per session, and blow your partner’s mind in bed… check out this article on becoming multi-orgasmic.
3. Do at least 1-2 high intensity exercise sessions per week
Men get a massive testosterone boost from doing high intensity workouts. Especially when those workouts are filled with heavily weighted compound exercises (i.e. dead lifts, squats, bench press, kettle bell swings, and pull ups).
Work out like this even once or twice a week and you’ll notice an immediate positive impact on your sex drive.
4. Make noise during sex
One of the most common complaints that I hear from my female readers is that their partners are too quiet in bed.
While the strong, stoic, monosyllabic figure of masculinity might be attractive on the big screen, in real life women want a man who can be expressive and vocal… especially when it comes time to fooling around in bed.
Try moaning, grunting, growling, or dirty talking more often in bed. It will help you get out of your head and into your body (aka you’ll experience more pleasure) and your partner will appreciate it.
5. Don’t eat right before sex
Digestion takes blood flow. If your blood is all working on digesting and distributing the nutrients that you’ve plopped down into your belly then it won’t be as likely to be filling your penis with blood to make a satisfying erection.
As much as possible, aim to not eat for at least 60-90 minutes before sexual play.
6. Go pee at least 20 minutes before sex
Taoist sexual philosophy states that men should avoid having sex within 20 minutes of peeing, and I would agree with this sentiment.
If you go pee and then immediately start trying to have sex, 1-3 minutes afterwards, then your penis hasn’t had any time to acclimate to switching roles. By doing this, you’ll be more detached from your sexual pleasure and more likely to prematurely ejaculate.
So by all means, empty your bladder before sex. Just make sure that you take some down time between urination and sex.
Not sure how to pass the time as you’re waiting? Extended foreplay and/or a sensual massage is always a good call.
7. Eat a diet with minimal processed foods to ensure your body is in top working order
As the famous saying goes, you are what you eat.
If you eat crap food, you’ll feel like crap. If you eat healthy, whole, energizing foods, you’ll feel like a healthy, whole, energized person.
Cut back on drinking, smoking, drugs, or overly processed foods. Double down on a colourful array of vegetables, nuts, lean animal proteins, and any supplements that make you feel awesome.
Want even more specificity on exactly what to eat for the best sex life possible? Check this out.
8. Use your words
Dirty talk is so hot when you do it right.
Before sex, tell them what you want to do to them.
During sex, tell them what you love that’s happening.
After sex, tell them what you loved that happened.
To get over fifty, ready to use examples of potent, powerful dirty talk, check out this article. Or, if dirty talking out loud is a bit too nerve-racking, then check out my ultimate guide to sexting.
9. Stop watching so much porn
Watching even moderate amounts of pornography has been proven to mess with your mind (and ability to perform sexually).
When you watch porn, your brain’s reward circuitry lights up like a Christmas tree. Toss on the fact that most men will scroll through multiple scenes during a single viewing session and it’s no wonder that this habit creates what is known as an arousal addiction (which is where your mind wants more constant variety).
When you’re then faced with your one, static partner (where you can’t click through to another person) your mind feels under-stimulated and it’s common for men (even under the age of 30 years old) to suffer from erectile dysfunction because of how their brain’s have been rewired.
10. Avoid her genitals for as long as possible during foreplay
Our brains have two kinds of pleasure systems… consummatory pleasure, an anticipatory pleasure.
Anticipatory pleasure is what we experience when we are in the state of desiring or craving something (for example, the hit of dopamine you get when you see your food being brought out to you in a restaurant).
Consummatory pleasure is the kind of pleasure that we experience when we (you guessed it) consume the thing we desire (food, sex, human touch, etc.).
Sexual tension (and a lot of sexual pleasure) is largely centered around being in a state of anticipation.
So, during foreplay, build up the sexual tension by going everywhere other than your partner’s genitals first.
For example, if your partner enjoys being kissed on the neck/shoulder area, then spend a few minutes lightly breathing on the nape of her back, behind her ear, and over the part of her shoulder where her bra strap would normally fall. Start very gently. Let your breath and lips do most of the work to begin with and simply graze her skin.
In the vast majority of your sexual play sessions, spend enough time on the preparatory phase that when you eventually go to put your fingers between her legs, you’ll have no doubt that she’ll already be dripping wet by the time you touch her.
Remember… when in doubt, slow down, tease more, and build anticipation.
11. Wear deodorant and cologne that she loves
Your partner is the one who has to smell you more than you do.
Find a scent of deodorant and cologne that both of you enjoy on you.
You can even go shopping with her for it… which can be it’s own form of foreplay.
(While we’re on the subject, use deodorant that is free of parabens, aluminum, and other things that mess with your ability to produce ample amounts of testosterone. This deodorant is what I’ve used every day for the last several years. And for cologne, I’ve always gotten the strongest positive responses from this).